Love and Secrets Read online

  Love and Secrets

  By

  Mary Brennan

  Copyright 2013 by Mary Brennan

  This book is protected under the copyright laws of the United States of America. Any reproduction or other unauthorized use of the material or artwork herein is prohibited. This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, brands, media, and incidents are either the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. All rights reserved.

  Table of Contents

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 1

  Being told by Adrian’s mother that Sarah was not good enough for her son hit her hard, but when Adrian called off the engagement it left a hole in Sarah's heart that she felt would never mend. Tears were ever present in Sarah's eyes as she tried to work out what had gone so terribly wrong.

  Sarah, 23 years old, standing 5’ 7” had green/grey eyes and shoulder length thick wavy caramel hair. She was able to put it up if needed so her usual style was a quick blow dry, little product and left out. She rarely used makeup; however, she had recently grown accustomed to applying mascara on her eyelashes each day. This made her eyes become her stand out feature intensifying the depth of their color to either green or grey depending on what she wore.

  Clothing was where Sarah always made a statement, having picked up her mother’s love of layering textured clothes. She was not afraid to put unusual things together, which could look kind of silly on most people but in Sarah’s mind it suited her bubbly personality perfectly. Her favorite outfit at the minute was a pink paisley pair of skinny jeans with a dark pink silk checked scarf wrapped around her slender hips. Another checked scarf, this one green, was used to cover her breasts, was tied in a bow at the front. Over this scarf she would wear a red bolero cardigan. Her shoes were patterned runners and instead of a handbag she used a denim back pack leaving her hands free.

  Sarah could never have claimed to be the life of the party but she was always happy to join in the fun and games with her peers. She loved to have a drink, usually preferring ciders, but knew when she had had enough. She was a happy drunk with a laugh that became louder and longer with each drink. She could tell stories that made no sense to anybody but her. They where nevertheless entertaining. Sarah behaved the same regardless of whether she was having a girl’s night out, at a family gathering or with Adrian and his mates. She had a sixth sense as to avoiding bad situations and could coerce her friends to leave just before a fun night turned to disaster.

  Work for Sarah was a means of getting money to enjoy herself. After finishing school she had spent a year at Business College, giving her the skills to obtain a job as an assistant manager within a conservation business run by the government. The good income was beyond her expectations. Still living at home (nobody had even suggested board) Sarah spent all her money on whatever took her fancy. New clothes, entertaining, eating out, weekends away, beautiful gifts for her family, friends or herself were all a normal way of life for Sarah. She had bought a small car and loved the freedom to go wherever she wanted. Living in a large town, some weekends the car would sit as Sarah was used to walking to all the places she needed or wanted to go. On other weekends, however, the car could take her to the city that was full of new shops, bars and adventures. Sometimes just a drive to another town after work for dinner and watching the day finish breathed contentment into Sarah's familiar world.

  Sarah’s friends were a mixture of relations, childhood buddies and work associates. She did not have a best female friend and was more comfortable with a larger circle of acquaintances that she rotated with ease. To her, ‘going out’ was never about checking who else was going as she has established such a wide circle, helped by the fact that she was a third generation of Smiths living in Rosedale, and the chances were good that she would run into someone she knew and any place she ended up. Sarah was just as happy to go to a family party, a movie or the pub. Sarah was comfortable around men as they had always been in her life. Her older brother, John, had always had his mates over, cousins had teased and been teased by her and she had just as many male friends in school as female. Adrian was the exception. He was her best friend, growing to be her confidant and companion.

  Adrian and Sarah had been childhood sweethearts and Sarah always thought her life was all set out before her. Although she enjoyed weekends in the city she had not hungered for a city life the way that most of her classmates had, or great adventures of romance and travel. Instead, her exploits were a life she had planned for herself and Adrian. The idea, and it was just that, of a country home filled with generational family and friends, a yard with a swing set, veggie patch, neighbors that she could rely on, three children that could be any gender and a spattering of assorted pets, again any sort, was not the dream but a sure fire reality that she never doubted would come true in time.

  That was, until Adrian had let her take the fall. He had called off the engagement without giving any reason, not only to Sarah but to all their acquaintances. The finger was pointed squarely at Sarah as the one who had broken Adrian heart by some infidelity, lie or mischief. He was playing the ‘poor me’ card to perfection. Sarah tried to explain, but in the end took the hit and let everyone speculate as to the terrible things that she had done, deserving everything that she got thrown at her.

  Her parents and brothers were also in shock and seemed to have laid the blame at Sarah’s feet. Her mother was saddened at the thought of not having grandchildren appearing within the near future and as hard as she tried every conversation turned into an aggravation rather than a consolation. ‘Plenty of fish in the sea’ was all her father could muster in the most rhythmic voice that sounded like a nursery rhyme. Neither of her parents seemed to empathize with the strange and painful emotions of rejection that Sarah was experiencing for the first time.

  Her brother in particular treated her as though she was a mass murderer. Idle gossip that seemed harmless last week was now being twisted into strange and crazy stories that caused strain between relations and friends. John and Adrian had been friends, and it John felt as though his sister had betrayed him by allowing her relationship to end. He took his anger out on Sarah with fierce destructive arguments followed by days of shunning and silence.

  Chapter 2

  Adrian was blessed with a strong and handsome jaw line that enhanced the rest of a otherwise average face. He had small brown eyes and a thin mouth, his hair was straight, brown and cut in a handsome short style. He was 2” taller than Sarah and wished for another 2”. At 25 years old he had set his life in motion with a regimented lifestyle: run at 7 am each morning, work from 9 to 5 (5.30 at the latest), football training, a drink with mates, then out with Sarah on the weekends was the normal plan each week. Routine and Adrian went together, when something unexpected happened, Adrian struggled with the disorganization.

  Adrian still lived in his family home; however, a studio apartment had been set up for him as his parents, mainly his mother, felt that the separation would be good for both parties. The kitchenette had never been used, Adrian's mother still cooked for three but he rarely ate with them, choosing to take the plate of food into his own space. He had always been close to his father but somehow felt awkward around his mother. The relationship was not uncomfortable, but he didn’t relate to his mother the way he did to his father.

  Working for his father from a young age, Adrian had become extremely good with numbers and the financial consulting family business had flourished after Adrian's accreditation. His office was a large room at the back of the build
ing, with windows on two sides. The sun would stream in first thing in the morning and be gone by early lunch in the summer and by mid-afternoon in the winter. The furniture was black, sleek and modern, with artificial lighting in the form of three floor lamps that flooded the room with brightness. For work they were perfect, just like numbers; practical, logical with a sense of purpose. Adrian loved the room as he felt it portrayed himself perfectly. It was not a room for sadness, compassion, or emotions, however the room accomplished its purpose by strangely giving Adrian an expertise in making people feel important and strengthened them when making decisions about their finances.

  Football was the lifeblood of Rosedale, with competitions within the town and region. The town games were played on Saturday afternoon with the away being played on Sunday. Adrian played for North Rosedale and had never been picked to play against other towns as Rosedale United. Adrian not only had mates from his own team but from most of the other Rosedale teams, enemies on the field, friends off. You were expected to support Rosedale United on Sunday and Adrian would attend most games, watching from the stands before enjoying the rest of the day with Sarah. Sarah would attend many games with Adrian who rather liked this arrangement as they would discuss the games tactics as they drove home, both were knowledgeable and the perfect play was always magically found by these conversations.

  Sam was Adrian's best mate, doing all the ‘boy’ things together as they had grown up. Stealing candy as children, taking out the family cars for joyrides, motorbike riding, double dates, and in later years bringing each other home drunk. The two had a long and well established friendship. The friendship became a little strained as Adrian continued to see Sarah on a regular basis. They began only to see each other at football and social events but as Sam found girlfriends they would often double date. The friendship had slipped into a familiar pattern, just the way Adrian liked his world to be. Sam and Sarah had given Adrian a fun side to his life which was well needed and enjoyed by all.

  The other constant, beside Sarah, in Adrian's life was his dog, Mango. Mango’s mother had been with him until he was 14 and it had been a natural progression, filling the void that was left. Mango was a collie with fantastic golden marking and a sharp face that made her endearing to anyone who happened across her and her master. Adrian had trained her to shack hands with people she met. Mango loved a ride in the car as much as a walk and when the two came together it was not clear whether Mango or Adrian loved the occasion more.

  Chapter 3

  The crossroad that Sarah had faced was to either lay low in Rosedale and hope the storm would pass, or make a break and find a new life. For her, the former was the easy way out and that is what she had intended to do. Soon some new town drama would rear up and the Adrian and Sarah’s story would be relegated to the history books.

  On Tuesday, she awoke at 3 am, and could not get back to sleep. Eventually getting up to make a cup of tea, she found herself questioning the now impossible life she had planned. ‘All too easy’ was the answer that keeps ringing in her head. On a whim, she opened her laptop and looked up the word ‘contentment.’ The internet provided the definition, “Reaching capacity, the satisfaction of.” Is that what she wanted? She went back to bed, overslept, and when she awoke again it was with an urgency that she had never experienced. By lunchtime she had applied for 4 positions in Sydney and in her lunch break would look for a place to stay in Sydney as well.

  Saturday came and she had a new life waiting for her; she just had to get in the car. Suddenly she began to have second thoughts. She mentioned to her parents that she had decided to move to Sydney, but that she was now undecided. Both her parents were in agreement however; she needed a change of scenery. Her father had literally pushed her into the car when she told him that she had acted in haste and could not go. As she protested her father gradually moved her down the path to the open car door, kissed her lightly on the forehead before a gentle shove into the passenger seat. Her mother behind the steering wheel, they headed off to Sydney.

  The drive felt like it would never end. Sarah looked at the scenery as it passed by in a flash from the passenger seat of her mother’s car. When asked to comment on a field freshly ploughed, she had no recollection of seeing the field. The blur was intense, so a stop for coffee was the first real thing that happened in Sarah's mind since the trip began. She was going to a place where she knew nobody, no familiarity and a scenery that bear no resemblance to who she was or her lifestyle.

  When Sarah and her mother reached the apartment it was dark. A knock at number 3 brought a beautiful petite girl to the door. She introduced herself as Amy as she flicked her long black hair around to her left shoulder. After inspecting her room and having a drink it, was time to move in. Rain had fallen leaving the steps a little slippery so the unloading of all Sarah's possessions from the trunk of the car took about an hour. Soon the car was empty, Sarah's mother kissed her on the cheek, flew down the stairs, into the car and was gone before Sarah realized. Amy knocked on her bedroom door and said that she was off for the evening and would catch her later. So here she was in a room with a built-in wardrobe, no bed and a heap of boxes. She pumped up her air bed, found a sheet, pillow and her old eiderdown, snuggled up in it and cried herself to sleep.

  Next morning she awoke and for a moment had no idea where she was. She soon got the picture and stayed snuggled, comforted by the eiderdown for ages. Eventually, her hunger got the better of her and considering that she had not done any grocery shopping went out to find something to eat. The cafe down the road served good coffee, along with bacon and eggs and even had some free info on the beach down the hill. She wandered down to the beach to take in her new surroundings.

  The surf cashed in to shore with the rumble of a highway full of cars trying to escape the daily grind of work in a busy city. The waves rolled over with intense force. The white tips cascading onto the fold causing waves that had both grace and power simultaneously. The spray of the waves jumping up to an incredible height picked up by the wind and scattered into millions of droplets. Sarah body felt like the sea tossed around, sore and sorry for itself, while her heart felt like the unfortunate droplets of spray tossed up into the air with no way of getting back with all the other droplets in the water below.

  Sarah watched and waited but nothing changed, not the sea, nor her heart. At some time the sun hit her eyes and she had to move. She stood up quickly and moved backwards and a little to the left, colliding with a little boy on a scooter. Within a moment he was crying and a man was picking him up while yelling at Sarah. This was all that Sarah could take and she sat back down and burst into tears, it seemed not only people where against here, but Mother Nature was also turning her back on Sarah. After a while Sarah felt the soft rays of sunshine on her back, and it felt strangely like hands gently pushing her to stand up and get on with it.

  Leaving the beach, Sarah discovered a grocery store and found her way to a furniture shop where she bought a bed, chest of drawers and a desk. When she got home, she was alone so took good look at the place that was now her new home. The front room had a huge bookcase and a sofa bed. The bookcase contained paperback novels DVDs and text books from university studies. The sofa bed was no doubt for visitors with a blanket and pillows sat to one side. The main living area had two brown couches with brightly colored throws and cushions, TV on a low cabinet made of dark red wood and a square coffee table to match. An arrangement of drying flowers sat at the edge of a small dining table along with mail, opened and unopened, an empty bottle of wine and a glass. On one wall hang two abstract pictures and the opposite wall a great big mirror perched on the floor. The bedrooms were off the living area with the kitchen and bathroom at the other end. Sarah put away her groceries and began to cook a simple meal as she again was a little hungry, but mainly feeling lost.

  As night fell Amy returned with a bottle of champagne and stories of her day. The two girls found that they got along well, and stayed up most of the night chatting
about their lives. Amy suggested that she needed to join her on her next outing. As it was Sunday evening, and nearly the end of the month, Amy was short on money until her next monthly pay on Friday, so going out to explore the nightlife had to wait till then. Sarah did not start her new job for a week and wondered how she would fill in her days.

  Her new furniture had arrived on Monday and by the time she had unpacked and organized herself the day was done. The next two days she spent shopping; it was like a mini holiday, only with a broken heart. At the most inconvenient moments her old life popped into her head, forcing her to realize that it was over and this feeling was not going to end in a hurry. At times she found herself tearing up at the most stupid things, a mother reprimanding her child, a group of teenagers playing with shopping carts or an old lady walking her dog all made her strangely depressed. When she woke Friday, she had chickened out of partying with Amy that night, but by the time Amy got home from work she had changed her mind, or rather Amy had changed it for her.

  The evening went badly, the first person she meet was the guy who had yelled at her on the beach. She did not recognize him but he certainly recognized her. This reminded her of her new circumstances so far away from her now disappeared dream life with Adrian. Her confidence, that had always been there, now deserted her, leaving her with unaccustomed feelings of rejection and hesitation.

  Chapter 4

  Six months later, Sarah was just getting her life in some sort of rhythm. Work had surprisingly become something that she really enjoyed and she had already been promoted. She had realized that her life satisfaction now included a career, something that she had never considered before, and it felt good. She had gone on a number of dates, had some amazing experiences, both in and out of bed, but the rawness of her heart was still a major issue that she had not been able to get over. Sarah’s new friends were both interesting and diverse in ways that opened up new thinking for Sarah. She had been happy to listen to their philosophies of life, religion, family and love, and there were always interesting conversations and lively discussions. Sarah started to understand that the life that she had planned with Adrian was only one way of living, and that change could be a good and interesting. It was not a question of right and wrong but of working out where your own boundaries lie, and being willing to accept change, forced or initiated.